Have you always struggled with your weight and longed to be
thinner, healthier and all around more toned up?
Have you vowed to start a new diet and workout regime?
Did you start out with the best intentions to succeed, only to
find that this new way of life was much tougher than you imagined?
Did your seemingly perfect plan start to fall apart until,
eventually, you were back to square one and left feeling like an utter failure?
Well
girls, if you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you can now be assured
ten fold that…… YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Let me
start off at the beginning for you all. Ever since I reached the age of about
eight or nine, I have continually struggled with my weight and that is
something I rarely talk about but nonetheless, it is true. I was always a
“chubby child” and I was quite often teased about that, even by my own family.
I suppose I never really let on that it had an impact on me but in hindsight,
it was quite upsetting to feel as though your own family even believed in what
the bullies in school were tormenting you over. My weakness has always been my
sweet tooth, something I’ve inherited from my family since that tender age. I
grew up snacking constantly on sweets, never so much as glancing at vegetables,
however I always liked fruit but given a choice between an apple or a chocolate
bar, you can bet your bottom dollar that I chose the latter.
When I hit my teens, I remained chubby
and I never really lost the rounded face until I reached seventeen. It was then
that I lost SOME of my puppy fat. I constantly envied the more slender girls in
my school year, wishing I could look like them and feel more confident in
myself. In fact, I used to be extremely shy in school which resulted in me
suffering socially. I’m a naturally chatty person but I really need to get to
know people well before I can show my true self, which is probably due to how I
feel about my looks and what I assume people see when they look at me first. Basically,
what I’m trying to say is, my constant criticism of myself led to me suffering
socially at times.
It was when I left home to go to
university that I started to slim down and that wasn’t due to any new exercise
regime or fad diet. It was simply down to the fact that I had more things to do
for myself. I had to walk more, clean more, run errands for myself and because
I was more occupied mentally, I found that I didn’t snack as much. I went down
by about 1 to 2 dress sizes and feel that I looked so healthy and the way I
should all the time. The funniest thing of all is that I didn’t even put any
thought into losing it, it just fell off without me really noticing until
people told me.
It’s safe to say that I was at my
happiest then. I looked and felt great, was having the time of my life and was
really just living the way I wanted to for the first time. But then in October
of 2011, I decided to leave my course because I no longer liked it and seen it
as a pointless path to pursue and this is where everything started to go
downhill. I moved away from my university town and new friends and I was also
living away from my school friends, who were studying at various places around
the country. I was living in an apartment basically on my own as my boyfriend
worked full time. I felt myself tumbling into a lonely, black hole and in
January 2012, I was put on medication for depression. I do not regret starting
this as I feel it does help with my moods and I have always felt that I needed
some sort of help in that way, even when I was younger. However, since then, I
have began to put the weight back on plus some. The tablets themselves don’t
add weight but they slow you down so you feel tired more and don’t get around
as much as you should. Also, because I was living closer to shops and not doing
anything really, I found that my days were spent on the computer or watching
TV. So, as a result, my clothes were getting tighter and my mood was depleting.
It has only been in the past two months that I have been trying to motivate
myself more and eat healthier. I decided I would go back to university and
start into my second year with different subjects which I am looking forward to
as I know it will benefit me mentally and physically. I have been eating
healthy smoothies for breakfast, fibre rich cereal, home cooked meals, fruit,
vegetables, you name it.
I felt I was just starting to like
myself again when my Dad decided to tell me that I am overweight and need to
change radically, even though I had told him I was trying my hardest, he still
persisted to insult me (perhaps unknowingly). Even though I knew he was only
trying to motivate me and help me out, that kind of thing just hurts my
feelings and brings me down. I’m the kind of person who likes to do things for
me and not just because someone else thinks I should. It really bugged me and
for a week or so I wallowed in sadness and sweets.
I am now back to feeling like myself and
genuinely want to stick with healthier options. Which leads me to my original
idea of what I was to write for S.H.E. I contacted Sarah about four weeks ago,
asking if I could share my new health/fitness regime with all you girlies. I
had gone out and bought a month’s gym membership, new fitness gear, trainers
and a full fridge of healthy goodies. I was absolutely convinced I could do it
and get fit again.
Then, reality set in. Four weeks later,
I sit here, having used the gym twice and not following the diet I had intended
to. And why? I really have no excuse but for that I have been away from home
and on the days where I have been here, I kept putting it off. I knew that the
thing to do was to just get up and go without causing any thought but instead,
I would find excuses to put off my exercise until “later” and in the end, I
wouldn’t bother at all. I am ashamed of myself to say the least but I really am
trying to still stick to good food. Exercise has always been the thing I have
struggled with and I know it is something I need to work with in order to find
what I enjoy and will keep up.
It’s so easy to look at the negatives in
my story and get bogged down further but no, I refuse to do that any longer. I
am twenty years of age, I’m young and I have all the time in the world to come
to a natural and healthy way of life so from now on, I am going to focus on the
positives and work on them to get to where I want to be as I believe that is
the only way. I now feel better mentally and have been making myself do more
things around the apartment that I would have put off no end a few months ago,
which is making me feel more organised and useful and therefore my depression
isn’t so bad for it. I genuinely am eating healthier, although not perfectly
yet, but I am really trying to say no to the sweeties and God knows, we all
find that tough! I am starting college in a month too and I really am going to
throw myself into it in a way that I never would have before. It has taken a
year of extreme lows to bring me to a conclusion that I need to be occupied in
order to be happy. If you stay motivated with even the simplest of things, it
will ultimately drive you on further. As for other people’s opinions, I am just
going to have to learn to try and ignore them. Nobody is perfect and I know
that, it’s just getting others to see this is what is hard but hey ho, I won’t
give up. One day, they will see that I was able to reach my goals without their
insults.
So, in closing, I want to say that I
know this may not be the most interesting or inspiring post that I could write
for you all but it is honest! Sometimes its nice to know that others struggle and
don’t always succeed. It can make you feel better and even encourage you to
start afresh with a new mind frame. At least that’s what I hope you will take
from reading this. I want everyone to know that, as long as you focus on the
positives and what YOU can do to better yourself, without the input of others,
you can really discover the path to success. It worked for me in the past and I
am going to put that plan back in action. And then, as the old saying goes “If
at first you don’t succeed, try again”.
Keep the faith girls,
Charlene
Xoxo
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